I think one of the reasons we stay in relationships that we are dissatisfied in, is because of the fear of the unknown. The unknown may be more painful than the pain we are currently experiencing. We become so used to our situation, that even chaos feels normal. We wouldn't know what 'normal' is if it punched us in the face. We become paralyzed in fear.
I have heard that when your ship is sinking, any life raft looks good. We grab hold to the first thing that resembles a life raft. In our minds, they are more than a life raft, they are a cruise ship. Saved! We mistakenly believe that life raft is what we are to wear for the rest of our lives, when in reality, the purpose may simply be to get us to the shore of a new life.
There is a joke about a man stranded on a deserted island. He begins to pray to God to save him. As he is praying a plane lands and offers to take him off the island. He replies that he is waiting for God to save him. A little while later, a cruise ship comes by, and offers to get him off the island. He responds the same way. A little while later, a submarine comes by and offers to get him off the island. Again, he responds the same way. Sure enough, he dies. When he gets to heaven, he asked God why He didn't save him, and get him off the island. God replied, I sent you a plane, a boat, a submarine.....Sometimes, God does answer our prayers, we just don't recognize them, because they may not appear the way WE envisioned. I think that is another reason why we stay in toxic relationships. We want to make sure we are doing the 'right' thing, and expect the answer to be crystal clear, as if God himself would open the sky, and tell us directly.
Sometimes the thing stopping us from having the life we want is...US. We stand in our own way. We get to the edge of the cliff, and stand there. Some of us feel that there is an invisible string holding us back. We don't know what it is, we can't verbalize it, we can't describe it, we just 'feel' it. Speaking for myself, I am at that cliff, standing on the edge, ready to take the leap, ready to jump into a life I know is waiting for me, and I am frozen. Frozen because I know the fire I will have to go through to get to the other side. Doubts whirl around in my head, my emotions are all tangled, like a ball of string that is impossible to untangle. I have been thinking so much about my situation, I think I thought it to death. I have lamented for so long, only to come back to the same conclusion. I feel incredibly lonely with myself, yet I don't want any company.
There is a quote by E.M. Forster: 'We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.' That is another part of the equation. We have to be willing to let go of the life we are currently in, no matter how unhappy, unsatisfying, unhealthy, or unfulfilling, in order to make room for the life. If we could just spit it out. Spit the words out. Say it! Say it! Let them come out, even if they are clumsy, awkward, and fall where they will. Once they are out, things will automatically start to change. There will be no turning back. However it will play out, it will play out. Even if it is ugly, it is still better. Because you will be one step closer to your new life...
Yet another reason still, is the feeling of being responsible for someone else's life. You know the decision you make will alter the life of another person. Their future hinges on your decision. Knowing what that person may, or may not do in response to your decision can feel like an incredible burden. Even though you know that you ultimately are not responsible for anyone's life, or choices, or decisions, you do know that what they may potentially do that they may not have otherwise done if not for your decision is a weight that I for one, hate carrying around. Feeling responsible for someone's happiness is, well, it sucks. Simple as that.
Rip it off slowly, or give it one quick rip? Either way, there is pain. Pain. The inevitable pain that comes with change.....
