Last year was not a particularly great year. I had really placed a lot of faith, and hope that 2014 would be a better year. Fresh start. Good things ahead. So far, it isn't working out as I hoped it would. For starters, 2014 started off on the wrong foot. My mom's bestest friend in the world, a second mom to me, passed away. Her daughter, passed away at the age of 49 a week prior. The surviving sisters father-in-law passed away a
shortly after. A friends husband hung himself. Another co-workers
husband jumped in front of a train. My son in law lost his job, my
daughter's hours were cut back at work, my other daughter has had her
share of troubles, a family members home was broken into, and robbed of
sentimental objects, as well as other items, another family member was
in a restaurant while an armed robbery took place, my neighbor lost his
job, my dear friends child underwent a long surgery to place growth
rods, only to find out that one of the rods had broke, rendering the
child in excruciating pain, that she is unable to express because she is
a non-verbal, disabled child. Another friends child has been being
bullied at school. I was in a car accident that has left me in a state
of anxiety, I finally got my car back, only to slide in the snow, hit a
curb, and ruin a tire, and rim, having to take the car back, only adding
to my anxiety. Roxanne was doing very well initially after her spine
surgery, but seems to have taken a step back. We will be going for an
MRI in the upcoming months. I know I am forgetting something, but I
think I have made my point. It's too much. Even if the people I spoke of
don't affect my life directly, or on a daily basis, I feel the pain of
the people that they do.
A part of me wants to crawl into a hole, and not come out. It just feels overwhelming. I try to keep my perspective, and remember the good things that have happened, or are happening. It is not as easy as it once was. I guess I am just getting older. But, today is a new day. I will only do what I can today, in this moment. I can't go back. I can't be in tomorrow. I can only be in today. It may not turn out the way I set out for it to be, but I am still here. So, I guess if I am still here, I have a purpose. What that is, I am not exactly sure, but I will continue to do my best, continue to forge forward, continue to try to ease the pain of others, to be the best mommy, daughter, sister, & friend.....even if I have to fake it to make it.
